девушка твоя

zhushka, guilt-tripper extrordinaire. i missed you too.

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 1: trip to boston with a dear friend #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 2: the battlestar galactica box set. #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 3:  to spend some time with my dad.  #30formy30th

i realize that this is kind of a bummer of a birthday request.  also an impossible one.  and if we sat around for a moment and thought about whether or not my father would rather be alive to see me turn 30, it’s just about the epicest of rhetorical questions.  since i hate loitering around his grave and musing into the air, i figured i’d write him a letter… and post it here.

dear dad:  hi.  i miss you.

i’m turning 30 in 2 more days, and i really wish you could be here.  though if you were, i’m sure i would’ve taken it for granted.  i spent most of tonight looking through old photos, and besides going out for family dinner, the last birthday we spent together was when i turned 18 and we went ocean kayaking on the intercoastal waterway.

since you passed away, i’ve competed in half a dozen triathlons, been accepted to furman university, worked my way up to the title of staff accountant, and adopted two pets, all of which i think you’d approve of.  i’ve dyed my hair lots of strange colours, pierced my nose, and gotten tattoos - which i’m pretty sure you wouldn’t approve of.  nor would you approve of me using the word “sh*t” 28 times on the internet in as many days. i’m getting along better with mum, which i know you’d love. 

i’ve been an angrier person - i know you wouldn’t want that in me, but it happened.  and i’ve been scared of so many things in the past 5 years, because i didn’t know how to handle life at times.  i’ve felt numb and depressed and elated, and there have been so many times i’ve missed the way you always had time for me.

i’ve volunteered. i’ve helped people.  i’ve let lots of people down and let fear get the best of me.  i’ve read so much in the past 5 years and had so many experiences, and finally learned to feel confident with my own worldview.  i’ve made some really awesome friends.  i’ve spent so much time hoping you’d be proud of me if you were still alive.

for my 30th birthday present, i’m giving myself your approval, because i know you’d be proud of me if you could see me.  i love you.

xo,

kelly.  aged 29.99178

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 4: nevermind the buzzcocks dvd with region-free hack. trying to watch all 3 parts of the spliced youtube videos is so annoying. and simon amstell is so adorbs. #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 5:  a fancy dress party. with cocktails.  #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 6: ink time with @poopbird. we’ve got a swamp thing sleeve to do!!! #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 7: treat yo self. the best day of the year!!! fine leather goods are optional, the batsuit is not. #30formy 30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 8: punk rock spiked, chained, and blinged out epaulets. #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 9: a sit-on-top kayak. #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 10: lilac ombre hairs. #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 11: this ring. are you my mummy? #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 12: this purse. #30formy30th

sh*t i want for my berfday, day 13: the iphone 4s. and an awesome case. #30formy30th